MBBS exams marred by rampant cheating, MUHS approaches Anna.

Mumbai: In a desperate move after the outrage by the citizen groups against the “Registered” local quacks, MUHS has approached the anti corruption crusader Anna Hazare for help.

With the death of 21 people in the past 1 month due to cough and cold, it is now clearly evident that the standard of medical education in the country is so poor and only MUHS is to be blamed. Following initial complaints, a secret pilot project was launched wherein it was found that MBBS students hardly study for exams and widespread copying practices by passing of supplements, E-books on mobiles, micro Xeroxes and open book exams are prevalent in most medical colleges. In some cases, it was found that the question papers are leaked by the Houseman or Registrars a day prior to the exam and students simply insert 'Answers Written Supplements' with other sheets before submitting their papers to the invigilator intern who himself stands guard to help students copy.

Some college managements taking stringent measures installed CCTV cameras in classrooms but often, the camera operators were caught red handed zooming on the female students. With the involvement of Anna Hazare, this copycat doctor issue has now become a political agenda. Baba Ramdev has decided to conduct Yoga classes in seminar halls of medical colleges across the country where students will be taught “Kapal Bhanti” and “Surya Namaskar” which increases concentration so that students start studying and stop copying. Even senior BJP leader Shree L.K. Advani has set out once again in his famous ‘Rath’- The Air conditioned Mercedez Benz bus on a rath yatra to spread awareness among the General practitioners. Congress leaders P. Chitambaram, Pranab Mukherjee, Kapil Sibbal and Dig Vijay Singh visited Ralegaon early this morning urging Anna Hazare to sit on an ‘Anshan’ for this cause pledging full support from the ruling party.

Even though Hazare has not publicly answered the shutterbugs, our inside sources say that he has cowardly refused the offer citing non compliance from medical undergraduates to stop copying. While news channels desperately wait for his official statement, protesting citizen group 'Me Anna' has labeled the copycat Doctors as ticking Time Bombs waiting to explode anytime and claim more lives if not defused immediately.

Many morally enlightened General Practitioners have come forward to return back their MBBS degrees to MUHS in exchange for other career options.

Playboy group of hospitals to be launched soon, announces Hugh Hefner.

Los Angeles, California: In a wise business decision taken after reading the news article, Playboy owner Hugh Hefner announced his plans to start a Playboy Chain of Hospitals across the globe.

"I owe my long life to all my girlfriends", said the 85 year old Casanova. "I want the world to know the real secret of staying healthy at my age. My Hospitals will have all females right from receptionists to nurses looking absolutely endowed and gorgeous. We plan to showcase our Playboy Hospital collection at the Parsi Fashion week early next year", he added.

Aishwarya not pregnant, Faking News goes GaGa.

                        
Mumbai: In a shocking revelation reported exclusively by Faking News, Aishwarya Rai Bachpan is actually not pregnant anymore. She was brought to LTMGH for post natal USG (Sonography) where our ‘Gupt Sutr’ spotted her removing a soft pillow from  under her top looking a perfect 36-24-36 and bribing the gynecologist.

When Faking News decided to investigate, it came to light that the shooting of Madhur Bhandarkar’s Heroine was in full swing and Aishwarya is still the lead actor. 7 Hills hospital which has been turned into a fortress as claimed by Mumbai Mirror dated 15/11/11 is the location where the last few scenes are being shot.

Faking News caught up with the director Bhandarkar who said, “After I enjoyed raping a small time model, I decided to include the casting couch angle in my movie. During the shooting of intimate scenes, Aishwarya actually got pregnant & we had to change the story line. She has already delivered twins Sallu and Vivek on 11/11/11 at 11:11 AM. We are now shooting the climax of the movie where she files a court case against her movie director and they live happily ever after.”

Both Big B & Small B refused to comment when Faking news tried contacting them in their ‘B-hive’. Whereas this revelation has shocked even the Faking News crew, many trade analysts say that the hype around Aishwarya’s baby is only to revive her husband’s sinking career and bring him back to limelight with something ‘productive’ at last although there are speculations that the 'do boond zindagi ke' are not his.

Reportedly, Big B had bet Rs.50 Crores and his ‘non-existent’ Rolls Royce Phantom (gifted by Vidhu Vinod Chopra for his spectacular performance in Eklavya) on whether Aishwarya would deliver Monozygotic or dizygotic twins.

Faking News: Doctor's Lounge almost loses its 'head.'

WRITTEN BY ARUN SWAMINATHAN- "Check out my tribute to the founder of Faking News:Doctors' Lounge !! Good show Mohit!! "

(All Names, incidents and institutions are real. This is not a work of fiction and must not be treated as one. No names have been changed for reasons of privacy / safety. The writer is not responsible for any of his actions despite being fully aware of his senses. No legal responsibility will be accepted by the writer in the event of something untoward happening, which he sincerely hopes to see happen. )

Mumbai:  In a highly dramatic event filled day, the likes of which have only been seen during final exam vivas, Faking News' head honcho and legendary newsman Dr.Mohit Garg agreed to stay on as CEO (Chief Entertainment Officer) after rejecting offers from some of the finest institutions in the world to work for them at a salary greater than what is being currently offered to him for his yeoman service at Faking News.

Reports suggest that various iconic institutions approached him and tempting offers were made to entice him away from his current position as CEO and MD (Madness Director).

Some of the approaches and negotiations that were made were as follows-

1) Apple - The company has been in turmoil since the death of its iconic and legendary founder Steve Jobs (who used to watch Bhojpuri movies with Mohit and was a 'close friend'). They reportedly approached Mohit with an offer that included his own office in California with 2 'actresses' as his secretaries for his...daily needs, his own dabbawala service for his minimal dietary needs titled as 'iDiet' and his own movie production studio titled 'iApples', an obvious reference to his legendary fondness of apples, of the eating variety, of course. Mohit turned down the offer as he had already been asked by Jobs about it. Jobs had told him that he could have large assets during tenure as Apple chairman to which Mohit replied by removing his shirt and showing his paunch to Jobs declaring it his largest asset. Jobs reportedly died of shock with his last words being, "Oh Wow!!Wow!"

2) Google - Sergei Brin and Larry Page realized that they were inviting the greatest marketing genius of all time when they came by to offer Mohit a position on the board of Google. They offered him half of the total shares of the company, his own McDonald's and daily sandwich jobs with his favourite employees among other benefits like a salary of 100 million $/week, a chauffeur driven truck and as many free beers as he could count daily. Mohit turned it down saying half was only 25% of shares, he preferred Jumbo King over McDonald's, sandwich jobs with Larry and Sergei were not possible because the bed would not hold their weight, it would take a week for him to count 100 million, he preferred a royal bullock-cart driven by a 100 donkeys and he could only have 10 beers since he could not count more than that using hisfingers.

3) Anna Hazare - One of his major local offers came from our very own crusader,Annaji,who wished to have Mohit on his team. The government of India protested saying that when Anna who fasted for a few days could change so much,  what was the need to use Mohit who could safely fast for a year at least? They greatly feared the results of a year long fast from Mohit, which while highly anticipated, would be very lethal since national food reserves would double and cause a sharp drop in food prices. They claimed that this would cause financial instability and collapse of many institutions. Mohit declined Annaji's offer claiming that government stability was important for security and he could bring down the government or any other institution any time he wanted to by standing on top of their buildings.

 4) WikiLeaks - Impressed by his insightful and fearless reporting, WikiLeaks leader Julian Assange offered Mohit the job he himself held via video chat from London where he is being held for 'rape'. He offered to teach Mohit the latest techniques for espionage and electronic surveillance and Yoga and diet techniques for personal use. Mohit declined because he thought Assange was trying to fool him by offering to teach a technique that is impossible to master like Kung-fu dragon fireballs or Nuclear Reactor technology. Mohit had tried every diet on Wikipedia and the internet and had come to the realization that weight loss diets were as effective as asking ortho professors to rate students on the basis of knowledge rather than looks.

 5) Tata Group - The final offer for Mohit came from the famous Tata Group. Ratan Tata himself offered to guide Mohit in his first 2 years of employment before Mr.Tata retired to ensure a smooth transition. Mohit refused the job because Tata group served only 2 types of vada-pav in its canteens and not the 8-9 types that Mohit wanted .

Officials at LTMMC and LTMGH spoke off the record to this reporter and expressed regret that Dr.Garg had not taken up any of the offers made to him. They were worried that he would pursue news writing and eating with more enthusiasm, as if it were needed. Dr. Garg himself told us his reasons for staying on. As he very astutely put it, " It is my undying love for this campus, its people and all that it holds that keeps me here. The large beautiful clean buildings, spacious living quarters, healthy and friendly people, large salary of Rs.2000 and easily available high quality canteen food that will hold me here forever. But most importantly, it is the helpful and friendly librarian who keeps me from leaving. One smile from that face and it wipes away all your pain and fears."

This reporter wishes Dr.Garg many more happy, healthy and hungry years at LTMGH and shares Dr.Garg's large appetite...for life, of course. Thank you for your work and support, Dr.Garg. We all love you, Mohit. Keep up your inspiring work and continue to inspire your followers. May 'The Stomach that walks' continue to give us courage and fight for freedom for many more years to come.

LTMMC fashion show fixed, claims Rageshwari.

Mumbai: After a sensational claim by Vinod Kambli yesterday that 'there was something fishy about 1996 Word Cup Semi Final', Rageshwari Sachdev, a small time TV soap actress & a permanent judge of the Ashwamedh Fashion show has made similar claims about the LTMMC extravaganza.

When Faking News caught up with her, she explained. " Usually only 2 teams participate each year. One of the home college and the other whom the student council pays to walk the ramp. LTMMC 'models' are so pathetic that if the girls tie their hair and wear their specks, they will look like medical students...Boys too are completely expressionless. Still in a trance like state, I always declare LTMMC the winner. I think the smart doctors mix something in the Mazaa cold drink they give me."

The 2009 Fashion Show too was surrounded in controversy when the then Dean Dr. Moneykha Matkar angrily handed over the mic back to the anchor to 1st announce, " Now our respected Dean will say a few words". The same year, an ugly LTMMC female model shook her ass Shakira style and the excited Dr.Matkar awarded her the best female model award.

Though an official report is now awaited after Jodha & Akbar filed an RTI, the current student council has now been rusticated and barred from giving the upcoming University Exams. The erstwhile student council has too been charged and ordered to pay not 5 but 10 lakhs or face 2 yeas of MOship.

The current Dean Sangam refused to comment on the issue.

H.O.D. turns 'Nayak', LTMGH comes to a standstill.

Mumbai: In an unusual incident yesterday which seems straight out of a bollywood flick, the PSM Department HOD (A self proclaimed Die Hard fan of Anil Kapoor) inspired by the movie 'Nayak' angrily asked an Intern to be 1 day's HOD. The innocent intern Dr. Pranshul Kamdar, known for intelligently forging completion signatures had waited for '15' long minutes outside the HOD's room in the wee working office hours.

"When I peeped inside, the HOD was combing his bald head in front of the mirror, singing and dancing to the song 'My name is Lakhan' which suddenly changed to 'Munni Badnam Hui' and he started shaking his booty. I thought he was in his jolly mood and finally after months of stealing the roster, forging signatures, I will get my signatures. Then he called me in", said the Baby face intern Dr.Kamdar. Little did he know that the HOD was a cunning pig who blasted him for catching him unawares and asked to become 1 day's HOD to see for himself how difficult the job was. Surprisingly, Kamdar, an old time hostel secretary and the Accounts secretary who had learned to play it dirty, gladly accepted the offer.

This news spread like wild fire and all interns were seen bursting fire crackers at LTMGH and raising Aprons on IV stands to show their solidarity. The day was declared as a holiday for the interns as Kamdar announced a stat CME on 'PSM: Recent Advances in commode sizes'. A Lavish lunch, flowing alcohol and sexy pole dancers were called for after the CME. Some interns got their internship certificate signed for as low as Rs.500. PSM registrars and Houseman were too seen having a Kitty party at Shabri and playing bridge. Few were seen playing FIFA on the 3 computers in the satellite room while some rushed to the hostel with their girlfriends. Our 'Gupt' Samwadata report that the sale of condoms from the near by medical store apparently skyrocketed yesterday. PSM mamas too were seen drinking and dancing in the PSM museum. Registrars from many departments were seen sweating in the sun carrying dabbas and xeroxes for Associate Professors. Shockingly, patients in the casualty were seen putting IV lines, Ryle's tube and Foley's catheter on their own. Trauma patients were piled up in the store room and kept for CT scan for next day. Everyday pathetic life at LTMGH nearly came to a standstill.

While HOD's from other Departments who joined the interns in the celebration too promised to make an intern 1 day's HOD in future, the MUHS Director (Municipal Union of Hospital Services) ordered to set an investigating committee on the issue. PSM HOD now faces up to 100 days of internship to compensate for the loss of '90 Intern Days' [ 90 interns x 1day = 90 Intern days, Read Time & Work from School Text books to know more].

In an exclusive interview with Faking News, the Dean of LTMMC & LTMGH Sangam commented and I quote, "Democracy has finally prevailed, Medical Colleges are of the Interns, by the Interns and for the interns." Till the committee submits its report, Dr.Pranshul Kamdar has been requested to continue as the acting PSM HOD for now. "My next step is to get the internship stipend increased to Rs. 25000 per month", he said.

FIFA Power, go get it.

Mumbai: In a study conducted by a Psychiatry resident in LTMMC and published in the British Medical Journal, it was found that medical students who play FIFA in their undergraduate days are smarter than those who don't. When the brains of the students under study were removed and weighed post MBBS, it was found that they were 20% heavier with increased content of grey matter seen on histology slide.

Faking news caught up with Dr.Psyco The'rapist how FIFA playing MBBS students pass without studying much." Scoring a goal in a match lights up the orgasm center in the brain, as a result most FIFA players don't feel the need of a boyfriend/ Girlfriend (Yes girls are now addicted too) and with time, learn to concentrate in the game and in the few hours of study they do.", said Dr.The'rapist.

Today, on a normal day in the hostel, most undergraduates are found playing FIFA during the preparatory leave given before the upcoming university exams. With LAN and online hubs providing more fierce non medico opponents, FIFA players are at their competitive best. "FIFA teaches us teamwork, keep our cool, it increases our confidence to go for the exam without any worry," said Master Mickey, well known non certified Computer Hacker who would solve people's computer woes even on the phone for as low as Rs.10. "FIFA should be made a part of the 3rd year curriculum," added Master's arch rival Abhishek.

This study which has been critically acclaimed by the scientists and doctors in the west did not go too well with the Hostel warden who has been pulled up for the hostel's  high electricity bill. Most FIFA addicts play for 10-12 hours a day, never switching off the PC all day and taking undue advantage of the free electricity. The angry Dean has requested students of the opposite sex ( Batch mates/Seniors,Juniors) to woo FIFA addicts so that the college result and reputation is not hampered.

Scientists around the world are now urging patients of Alzheimer's Disease and attention deficit to start playing FIFA immediately. In a news that has put LTMGH on the world map, Dr.Psycho The'rapist has been nominated for next years Nobel prize in the field of Medicine.

100s washed away as amniotic sac bursts.

Mumbai: In a rare incident which exposed the incompetence of the maintenance department of LTMGH, 100s were washed away when an amniotic sac in labor burst causing flash floods in Ward 12. The sac was reportedly 9 months old and the twin residents were warned by MUHS (Municipal Union for Hospitality Services) in the past.

Faking news caught up with Ganpat, a ward Mama who had a miraculous escape. "We were all sleeping like always when suddenly we heard a blast. Initially we thought it was the Registrar scolding the Houseman but when we saw newborns running out of the labor room,we knew something was wrong. Next moment the lights went out and I found myself riding a 1 foot tall wave. Luckily, I climbed onto the USG machine floating close to me.

In the wake of the aftermath, nurses were seen carrying the placenta stealing ward cats on their shoulders and walking through the slimy fluid....Many cribs were destroyed, ward incubators also flooded. As the fear of the Tsunami looms over, many patients from the 'non existent' Ward 13 were shifted to the college hostel across the road.The disaster management team from PSM department which saw the event live from the satellite room swung into action and now claims to get things back to normal in 3-4 days.

Among the most hard hit were the houseman from all units who were rendered homeless. "We spent out entire 1st year in the ward side room. Even daily chores like drinking and dancing were done there", recollected Anand Nanawati, a famous Mumbai based gynecologist and an alumni of LTMMC. The Dean of LTMMC Sangam has labelled it as a very unfortunate natural calamity. "We have forwarded our request to MUHS for a new drainage system in LTMGH, it is likely to cost around 3 Crores", he added with a wicked smile.

If you wish to bring back the smile, finance the expensive education or adopt the writer, send your generous donations in form of 'Comments/Likes' to Faking news, C/O Dr.Free Spirit, Locker No.5, Boys Common Room, LTMMC. Last date of accepting donations - The day India becomes corruption free.

Facebook addiction hits student section.

MUMBAI : Facebook after spoiling the lives of Teenagers and the youngsters, has now caught up with clerks in student section. Student section clerks aged 40 yrs of age or 45+ are usually found playing Farmville, Mafia Wars, looking for their Lost Love or reading Faking News: LTMMC & LTMGH on the computer with free unlimited internet access provided by the college

Lately MUHS (Municipal Union of Hospital Services) has observed that all the students belonging to LTMMC always submit their forms or fees or any other required Document one day prior or on the last date of submission. Accompanied by Faking News, MUHS decided to investigate.

" I went there being as casual as possible to look like a LTMMC student. I walked into the Students Section and went to ask for the details of a scholarship form. The person in charge who was busy poking his wife and children on Facebook, turned and said "Abhi tak aaya nahi hai, next week pucho" and returned to the screen, reports our Samwadata Hiranmayee. To this information MUHS claimed that the forms were sent two weeks ago. She also found that turn by turn, the female clerks have video chats with their husbands and the males with their girlfriends on the computer provided.

MUHS officials who paid a surprise visit to the student section found the office closed at 12:30 pm and was to open only at 2:30pm due to reasons of Lunch break. On peeping inside, the clerks were found sitting on the tables and watching Youtube links on Facebook. Angry MUHS officials have now asked the Dean to submit a report within 7 days failing which the college will be derecognized.

Doctor caught accepting pen as bribe, arrested.

Mumbai: A doctor (name withheld) from a leading 7 star hospital LTMGH was caught red handed by IT officials while accepting a pen as bribe from a Medical Representative (MR). Many MRs had made repeated complaints how many doctor from this hospital begged for gifts during Diwali week.With no evidence to support their claim, IT officials decided to visit OPD disguised as Mamas and see for themselves.

"Although doctors are allowed to accept gifts costing up to Rs.999, this particular pen was packed in a cardboad box with 'Made in Dharavi' written over it, we are trying to ascertain its cost", said IT official Isrutnissa. Smoke billowed from the ears of the doctor while he as being taken away."I am innocent, even the HOD ( Head of the department) was given this pen", he shouted across the OPD. The Dean of LTMMC & LTMGH Sangam refused to comment on this issue.

"We suspect the doctor had links to Pappu Injection", said another IT official. It is now very clear that the gift giving racket runs into Crores as Faking news has claimed for years. Whether or not the doctor will come out clean remains to be seen but the hospital authorities and other doctors beng tight lipped about the issue points in a different direction altogether.

The many CCTV cameras which were put for decoration in LTMGH have now been repaired and switched on (Another issue going on as to who will bear the cost of the electricity bill, the patients or BMC). Medical Representativs have now been banned from the hospital premises and a board has been put up for at the entrance which reads, " Patients and MRs not allowed, trespassers will be prosecuted".

Girls to wear cap & mast during viva exams, male medical students celebrate.

Mumbai : In a historic judgement hailed as the victory of justice by the male medical students, the Lokmanya Tilak Municipal Medical College Management has made it mandatory for all females to appear for viva exams wearing the hospital cap & mask. The domination of female toppers in exams had drawn huge cry against the marking system in the past. Male students often complained that their female counterparts hardly prepared for the exams, were always found discussing clothes and jewellery in the female common room and were not asked many questions in vivas by the pervert male examiners. Often the girls with a beautiful smile, pretty eyes or a sexy figure would end up getting higher scores than the hard working boys who slog for hours in the college library.

"Just because God was unfair in giving us the curves does not mean we study less", complained Yashant supported by nodding from hundred other boys. Their voices were unheard for few days until they threatened to boycott the 47 condom machines installed in the hospital campus. The college management citing financial losses quickly called for a crisis meeting where it was decided to bow down to the unrealistic demands. The news was welcomed by the local tailor Baburao who expects his business to peak due to the foreseen demand of stitched caps and masks.

This judgement which has brought a grin to many pretty faces was cheered by a section of ugly girls too.

Stray dog takes pole position at the F1 Indian GP.

Noida (U.P)-  In a shocking incident to highlight the plight of the stray dogs, a local bitch Chammak Chaloo jumped the security barricades during practice run at the newly built Budh International Circuit. While running on the track at 350 km/hr, she barked in protest accusing the Mayawati Government of wrongfully encroaching their land. No sooner did the organizers realize the intrusion, they asked the safely car to be deployed with Micheal Schumacher at the drivers seat to try and persuade the bitch for an under the table settlement which he refused to oblige saying,"I will never be able to overtake the bitch on her home circuit". The organizers then announced through the camera crew helicopter that the bitch will be given a bone signed by all drivers but she did not stop running saying she wanted to first set the lap record. She barked that no one should try to stop her otherwise she will sit on a hunger strike in the Pit Lane.

With no option left, Ra-One and G-one were called from a nearby theater with a lot of persuasion to team up and stop the bitch from running amok. She could only be caught when she stopped to pee in the typical 'raising the 1 leg doggie position' at a pole near the finish line. Shah Rukh Khan reportedly pocketed a cool 5 crores for it and a chance to climb on stage with Lady Gaga to persuade that bitch to be his Chammak Challo.When Mayawati was asked why such a shameful incident had happened, she said "It is a conspiracy of Rahul Gandhi's puppy to malign the peace in the state. I request the center to order a CBI probe" Her comments have raised eyebrows in the stray dog community and who came out in large numbers demanding the immediate release of Chammak Challo.

Hearing the reports of such security breach, Metallica, the world famous rock band decided to postpone their concert which was to be held at Gurgaon till the matter is not resolved. This had the fans fuming who set fire to any stray dog and bitch they could get hold of and the army had to be called in to stop them. PETA has strongly criticized this heinous act and asked the Prime Minister to intervene in the matter.

The incident today has already raised the entertainment bar of F1 as a sport and  fans around the world are excited to see more unexpected entertainment. The circuit gets applause or not remains to be seen but Chammak Chalo has definately become an overnight sensation with almost 2 million hits on her official You tube channel already. Before printing,there were unconfirmed reports that the organizers have decided that the winner's trophy will be handed over by Chammak Challo herself.

IN OTHER NEWS :
Metallica Concert cancelled – SRK celebrates Diwali -
Gurgaon (U.P) Bollywood Superstar Shah Rukh Khan is ecstatic with the cancellation of the Metallica concert in Gurgaon. He has successfully tied up with the organizers to give free Ra-One tickets to all fans as refund instead of the money. Ra-One was later seen bursting firecrackers with G-one.

Nirvana...

This is not a article or a post…it is a long due spontaneous flow of thoughts which I wanted to be frozen in time on my blog…At 24 years of age, I feel as though I have achieved enlightenment…Moksha…I now know the key happiness…be positive no matter what…I feel I have understood the philosophy of life…I feel closer to God each day…so much mature.

Until few months from now, it was money which drove me…materialistic love…cars, bikes, gadgets…I was always unhappy about the sacrifices on the road to becoming a doctor…I always took life too seriously..working hard..missing out on things..but off lately,I have been living a dream balanced life..studies..work..health..meditation..recreation..guitar..music..
writing..friends.. social work..everything has been maintained well..

There was a time during medical years that I had hit rock bottom…There was no ambition…I did think about leaving everything to become a sage…But the fire burning in my belly to make it big never let my spirit to bow down…Today, I’m filled with immense energy to make everything perfect around me…influence lives…I ‘m proud to be a doctor, to help people…Thankful to my parents, teachers.

Looking back in life, I have lived a dream 24 years…There is nothing more a person could achieve balancing everything…studies, sports, society, extra curricular participation, family, social work, etc…I love to be loved, respected, appreciated but with time I have learned to keep my feet on the ground…My friends used to tell me often, “ bahut udta hai”…I don’t deny it either, I had attitude, was childish at times, made mistakes…but who does not ? Time teaches you a lot..and I have grown with it..met some wonderful people, read some exceptional books, traveled…I’m happy to be who I am…There is not a thing I would want to change about me now.

Just cannot wait to fast forward into the future…but it sure doesn’t matter to me anymore…Life is not about having a fat bank balance...adding degrees to your visiting card…luxury homes and cars…But life is about living every moment of this awesome journey…experiences…meeting people…loving your family…doing what you love and loving what you do…always keeping the smile..finding time for yourself... forgiving people…not looking back too much into sad memories of past..pursuing hobbies…social involvement…always having something to look up to…something to die for…to achieve…Surprisingly, I have my life’s every fortnights planner scheduled till next July, committed to my dates…Lets see where life takes…whats in store for me…But I truly feel blessed for being who I am..Thank you God, I know you have sent me here for a purpose and I won’t disappoint you…You will pat my shoulder when I get back…I will have tales to tell you about this beautiful life as we raise a toast to “A Mission Accomplished” !!

Keetabi keede behind the books.

The life cycle of doctors before we are ready to fly to the outer world from our cocoon of struggle , frustration and boredom comprises of the following 5 stages :-

1) Slogging at the hospital

2) Studying in the lecture hall or clinic room

3) Eating anywhere from canteen to roadside food or bananas in ward

4) Sitting and wasting time in the Library

5) Sleeping (we are a veteran at those)

Even if we wish to customize our qualifications to post graduation or super specialization, the 5 stages remain the same year after year for all medicos. Apart from the medical knowledge, a skill we all develop over the sleep deprived years is the tendency to sleep anywhere, and in any position…in lectures, practicals, dissection room, Operation theaters, casualty, the air conditioned library...you name it and there would be someone to set an example…. from the ability to sleep while standing holding the handle in a jam packed local train, to sleeping on a series of benches put together  in the clinic room…. from sleeping on card boards of cartons brought by mamas in casualty to the comfortable infected beds  in the Emergency medical services…. we have done it all…. but nothing comes close to sleeping in the air conditioned library next to friends/ girlfriends asking the unknown junior sitting in front to wake you up after 15-30 minutes…the heaven for most hostelites where they complete most part of their sleep due to the lack of sleep in the sweaty mosquito infested hostels. The library also serves as the favorite tourist destination for most college couples who pretend to be sitting and studying for hours giving a false impression to parents about how hardworking their child is. The following is a description of just another routine day in the college library and I have tried my best to bring out humor in it too. 

Librabry ke kone mein, (Khopcha in mumbaiya language)

Chipa baitha tha Ek couple,

Fuut rahe the mann mein unke,

Pyar ki ummedon ke bubble.

Kitabon ke piche done ke beech,

Jab chal raha tha Nain Matakka,

Tabhi wahan boyfriend ka achanak,

Ek boring dost aa tapka.

Bola, “Meri Phatti padi hai,

Tera kitna hua, main raat bhar padha”,

Boyfriend bola, “Saale, bass hone hee wala tha, (pun intended)

Tu kyun sir par ho gaya khada ?

Lecture bunk karke toh ,

Ab hai time humein mila,

Romance yahan ho raha tha,

Pakane ko main hi tujhe mila ? “

Idhar dost ka muh latka,

Udhar pyar ke mood ki bali hui,

Aur phir ‘nakchadi’ girlfriend bhi,

Gusse mein jane ko khadi hui.

“Bhad mein jao dono”, bola boyfriend,
Romance ka mood hi khatam ho gaya,
Phir sir apna rakhke ussi table par,
Gehri chain ki neend woh so gaya…

Education for sale.

“Education is not the filling of a pail, but the Lighting of a Fire” ….. a thought no one can deny. From the age of the sacred schools called ‘Gurukul’ to world famous old centers like Nalanda and Takshila Universities, from IIMs and IITs to institute like PGI and AIIMS, we Indians have plenty to boast with regard to our education heritage. But today, we have reached an era where the entire education system is corrupted and commercialized.

Students in villages to small towns to cities have understood that it is education alone that will help them live with dignity and a head held high. This has led to a massive migration of students towards cities where there are plenty of colleges and better job opportunities. Over the last few years, the cost of education right from play schools to post graduation institutes has risen exponentially and its quality has ‘faithfully’ been inversely proportional. The temples of education have now become money making hubs. People are now willing to pay unimaginable amount of money, earned by fair or unfair means, wanting their child to be privileged to the best of education. As a result, hundreds of private colleges have sprung up across the country providing every course possible under one roof but with no proper infrastructure or the faculty to teach. Politicians having thousands of Crores stashed in bank accounts abroad find a good money making investment in building an educational institute…after all its easy to usurp the public land and construct the building…provide centralized air conditioned class rooms, free laptops and foreign trips to affiliated universities with similar interests…..but no real education !

All private colleges/Universities now want an autonomous status…..become deemed…not because they want make their own customized curriculum to improve the standard of education but because the chances to ‘sell’ seats is higher..The inflow of cash under the table would be easier…the percentage of management and NRI seats can be raised as per their fancy…Exams can be conducted in ‘Pencil Paper’ format and so that results can be erased and altered later. The placements offered from such colleges are even more disappointing. And the cost of the course itself takes years to recover with the packages offered to the students.

Coaching classes are another partner in crime who is hand in glove in this money minting racket, tying up with schools and colleges for sending students to their classes and in return paying royalty on annual basis per student. My fee for the 10th, 12th and medical entrance coaching itself was greater than the cost of 4.5 years in MBBS ! ….and that was 7 years back, I’m sure it would have skyrocketed now.

With my MBA exams coming close, I feel frustrated at times to be applying to different B-schools and paying them between Rs.1500 – 2000 in the name of registration alone. Lakhs of aspiring students like me register for the 60-100 available seats and the college trustees are laughing all the way to the bank for making Crores without any pains.

I’m writing this since I’m angry and frustrated at the way things are going on…According to a recent report in the Times of India newspaper, people have forgotten to live happily, enjoying life…I really don’t understand what is all the rat race for ? This post will hardly make any difference since people will continue to pay Lakhs and Crores for Medical, Engineering , MBA and other courses….after all everyone is now searching for the sign board which reads “ Education for sale…hurry…offers valid till seats last.”

Corruption shining, not India...

A leader is "a person who influences a group of people towards the achievement of a common goal"…..From the political point of view, our great independence struggle to was a result of the sacrifices of people who stood united led by those who deserved to be called ‘Leaders’. They were those deserving men and women who didn’t have any love for the chair or the power associated with it…it was the sheer dream to see their country free one day which kept the fire burning within them.

Well, over the years, this word 'Leader' has been replaced by a more meaningful word, ‘Politician’ - equivalent to a GALI now. This honorable position has now been usurped by uneducated goons, rapists, murderers and land grabbers interested only in the money associated with the post of being a leader. Politics has always caught my interest not because I have been a decent enough leader throughout, but because I was influenced a lot by my Late Nanaji....a local leader then and a close friend of Ex- Prime Minister of India, Atal Bihari Vajpeyee.

Last few days particularly, I have been very angry...I'm have a passion for driving and bike riding and I end up spending a lot on the black gold - petrol....the prices of which have shot up by 70 % in the last 2 years that the Congress has been in power. I distinctly remember filling up my petrol tank with Speed/Power petrol at Rs. 48 per liter which has now gone up to Rs. 71. The recent revision of increasing the rates by Rs. 5 per liter has made the common man including me very angry and restless. The declaration of the appraisal immediately the next day of the election seemed like a heinous act of backstabbing the general public who felt cheated after the election results were declared in the Congress's favor....such cowards are our representatives !

To garnish the rising prices and the inflation which has never been so high in the history of this country, the Congress has been stung by high profile scams time and again in the recent past. The multi thousand crore Common wealth game scam, the 2G spectrum scam, the Adarsh Society Ghotala, the Radia tapes, etc show how deeply corruption has infected the roots of Indian politics today. Even after arresting the culprits, nothing is done to trace the hidden money which is stashed in accounts abroad. According to a recent official report - “Rs. 280 lakh crore of Indian money is deposited in Swiss banks which can be used for taxless budget for 30 years. This amount can give 60 crore jobs to all Indians. From any village to Delhi 4 lane roads. Forever free power supply to more than 500 social projects. Every citizen can get monthly Rs. 2,000 for 60 years. No need for World Bank & IMF loan”..... One thing is for sure that if found out, Mr. Sharad Pawar and Mrs. Sonia Gandhi will definitely be richer than any of the richest people on Earth.

As a result of the increase in fuel prices, there has been an increases in the commodity prices....planned rickshaw and taxi strikes to be seen in a few days now....and this will continue as a vicious cycle to throw our country into a tizzy. Its high time that the common man stood against this injustice of the government to protest for his rights of a decent life....It makes me sad to think that the educated people will never be allowed to be a part of the political system...the Times Of India's 'Lead India' Campaign was a ray of hope for me then but the end result of the winners is for all of us to see...Hardly was anyone allowed to make any change to society...The Youth Congress too is nothing but a clan of bullies and local goons...what more can one expect from the political parties ?

When Manmohan Singh was being made the Prime Minister, I had some hope that for the first time will have such an educated Leader...But he has proved himself to be only a week spectator doing nothing concrete for the people of this country.....He has failed miserably to maintain law and order, control corruption, bring down the inflation being a former Finance minister himself....I have lost respect for him as a Leader.....The Congress tagline says, ' India Shining'.....all I can see is the glare which hurts no one but the common man...Even today I always wonder if our the government was right in spending Rs. 900 crore for Obama's 4 day tour...it was our money..the hard earned Tax payers money.... spent just like that !

I can only conclude that India is not free yet....It was a slave to the British before who would divide and rule .....Even today, we are like slaves...who are keeping mum in spite of the brutality of the corrupt government and its failure to keep the citizens happy....It needs a Libya and Egypt like movement to show to the shameless government officials and 'Politicians' what truly is meant by a democracy.....its time that people raised their voice against the government...and that time is now...Jai Hind.

Wish you were here...

"It is only in their absence do we realize what some people meant to us"...

Apart from the day to day happenings in life, an important aspect of life to which we do not give due importance to is meeting new people…making ‘Friends’…knowing them…sharing lives.. With each passing day, we hardy realize how close we get to them and life looks incomplete in their absence. It feels really great when no matter how old you get and your same friend always greets you with, “ Kaise hai kamine, saale bhul gaya dost ko ? ” 

My family often complains that I’m more partial towards my friends often but somehow I don’t deny it either…I’m a true Aquarius… friendship…promises…commitments mean the world to me. I have always had long lasting friendships with people.What makes me write this is that apart from all the positivity and happiness around me, there are a few people I miss a lot in life…people whom I shared my life with…my dreams…aspirations…happiness, sorrows…tears, laughter…friendship, love…they shared theirs equally…But for some reason, the smallest of misunderstandings, saying or doing something in the heat of the moment, expressing the feeling of love, family opposing the bonding and others, I have lost a few wonderful friends…Their absence really hurts a lot…Though I have a habit of always apologizing when I know I’m wrong, my efforts are not always rewarding…Soon people move on…they meet new people, make new friends…find love..but the loss is always mutual and they eventually feel the pinch too…

And after a few years when they meet again, its just a matter of time for someone to break the ice that all the time comes back again…and both regret to have not made the effort to have reconciled before. This post is a dedication to those few whom I miss…I love…I wish they were here…to take me back into those memories worth living all over again…Not a day goes by that I don’t regret that it had never happened and I could take back the reason of the distance between us.

I miss you, I crave for you,

I will surely come looking for you,

& if the feelings we shared were true,

Then one day, I will find you.

No matter how long it takes, I do believe that one day it will happen…Time is undoubtedly the greatest healer.

Dreamgirl

IT IS EASY TO FALL IN LOVE, THE HARD PART IS TO FIND SOMEONE TO CATCH YOU...

With the release of the movie ‘Mere Brother Ki Dulhan’ this week and me doing exactly the same job over the last 3-4 months, to look for a bride for my elder brother… going through girl’s profiles, photographs, talking to parents, I realize that it has become so difficult to find that one ‘Tailor made life partner’ we all look for. Getting the horoscope matching done is another tedious work with some 36 ‘Gun’ (qualities) according to Hindu tradition deciding the degree of compatibility between the two would be partners.

Due to lack of interest in committing to anybody before I feel settled career wise (actually I’m really shit scared to go through a heart break), I willfully didn’t be in any relationships till now. Well, I am 24 now, a Doctor, somewhat financially secure for the future (eventually all Doctors make money) and so I decided to flaunt my singlehood status now which reads “Single & Ready to Mingle”. I really want to meet someone unexpectedly and fall in love rather than have a boring arranged marriage (My parents are mentally prepared now for a shocker sometime in future from me). According to all parents, the 'Tag' of caring, loving, understanding, trusting, loyal and a good cook comes free with every girl but I'm looking for a more customized Dream girl that I have waited for 24 long years. 

The following are not in the order of priority but spontaneous as they pop up in my head while writing this. My list is negotiable though...

1) Educated - Medico / Non medico but should be a bright girl throughout.

2) Creative - Should be a very creative person. Painter/artists/singer/dancer preferred.

3) Beautiful, Fair, Pretty - To me, real beauty is in being simple rather than looking sexy and hot. Women look awesomely prettier in a saree and open hair.

4) Adventure freak - Considering my craziness for all sorts of adventure sports and outdoor activities, would prefer someone who shares a common passion.

5) Prankster - To spic en up the day to day life.

6) Good dressing sense and have a fancy for shopping - I'm equally good in them.

7) Willing to play cards and board games and fight - I'm a veteran cheater at those.

8) Sensibly talkative.

9) Non smoker - Non drinker (socially acceptable) - Used to be applicable for guys before but the changing lifestyle of girls now perplexes me often.

10) Should Love children and not think they are a pain in the ass.

11) Respect elders in the family - Even today, a Namaste and touching the feet mean more to me than a Hello or a hug.

12) Religious - I believe in Humanity alone.

13) Writer - Being expressive of day to day thoughts, not keeping any feeling hidden in the heart, sharing happiness and sorrow equally.

14) Love pets and natural beauty. I plan to have dogs, fishes, birds and a pair of  turtles as pets later.

15) Believe in a healthy lifestyle and staying fit.

16) Down to Earth having no attitude what-so ever about anything.

17) Keep home clean - I'm obsessed about it. (My wardrobe and study shelf stay perfectly arranged perennially)

18) Always stay smiling, cheerful, chirpy and have a positive attitude towards life.

19) Lover of Music and dance - Musical instruments and classical dancing appeal to me.

20) Good family background - Children from broken homes and a hard childhood have some psychological residual effects.

21) Enjoys watching movies and sports.

22) A good cook because a way to a man's heart is through the stomach.

23) An overall interest in extracurricular activities / An all rounder - Interest in public speaking, quizzes, debates and other activities.

24) Clean 'Past History' - Some might think its narrow mindedness, but it is important for me. I'm sure, plenty others like me waiting for just that 1 special person.

25) Most important of them all - Loving, supportive and adjusting in nature.

Well, its a long list and seems quite impossible to find someone so perfect...but I believe that someone somewhere out there is waiting for you. 

A small poem to conclude these thoughts :-

Nanhi komal yeh palken,

Na jane kiski aas lagaye baithi hain,

Ek aahat ka hai inhe intezar,

Yeh sochta hun main kai baar...

Bandhe hain maine bhi ummedon ke taar,

Na chodi hai aasha, na manta hun haar,

Ki swarg ke dwar khol koi pari aayegi,

Meri bhi zindagi mein char chand lagayegi...

Kaash mera yeh paigam,

Kisi tarah uss tak pahuch jaye,

Sunte hee yeh pukar woh meri,

Baahon mein daudi chali aa jaye...

The Uprising

A Revolution awaits India as lakhs and crores of Indians now stand united hand in hand against one common enemy – Corruption and its allies “The Politicians”. A simple middle class true Indian hero wearing a Gandhi topi has emerged as the revolutionary leading India to its second struggle for freedom…against corruption this time... against the arrogance of the ruling party… against their wrongful belief that the people of India will silently bear the brunt and do nothing.

The movement that has swept the nation is not about the Lokpal Bill alone…It’s about the people who feel unrepresented by the goons who pay money to buy a seat in the parliament and rule us for the next 5 years. It’s for the ‘aam aadmi’ who sweats day and night going through hell to run a household, pay taxes and see it being pocketed by the corrupt uneducated thieves a.k.a politicians and government officials…The common man is sick of being smothered by the rising inflation, the food prices, the sky rocketing cost of living all gifted under the leadership of our weak puppet “educated economist Prime Minister”. The Government underestimated the spark which has now erupted into a ball of fire which will soon engulf them and choke it in no time if it does not stand up to what is right and acts fast.

Under the guidance of Team Anna, India stands United today…..students, housewives, farmers, lawyers, engineers, doctors, everyone has strongly sent a message to the Governemnt to not test their patience anymore…This anger in the minds of people has not come overnight but after days and months of watching the Government do nothing to act against those found guilty in various scams running into thousands of crores of rupees.

What happens in days to come will be seen as time unfolds but the current state of affairs has surely put the Government to shame who now finds it at the receiving end with no choice but to bow down…It surely seems that India is marching towards a change soon…lend all your support in every little way possible and hope for a corruption free era in the history of this great nation...Jai Hind.

Bollywood Salad

Dil Chahta Hai Rock On karna, kyunki Zindagi Na Mile Dobara,
Isliye Mein Hoon Na Deewana Mastana, Awara,
Chameli se Jab We Met, Dil Toh Pagal Hai,
After An Evening In Paris with Julie, Hum toh Ghayal hain.

Mera Pehla Pehla Pyar dilade Jai Shree Ram,
Anand  se kardunga Yeh Saali Zindagi, Tere Naam,
I know, Mohabbatein deti hain Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham,
Pyar Kiya Toh Darna Kya, Hum Tumhare sanam.

Phir Rab Ne Banadi Jodi kahega yeh Mann,
Hogi hamari Banty Aur Babli jaisi Shaadi Number 1,
Sirf Tum Kaho Na Pyar Hai, phir Band Baaja Baarat Leaayenge,
Finally, Pyar Ka Panchnama karke Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge.

The Farewell Speech

To Everyone in AHIRC family,

We, Dr. Mohit Garg and Dr. Bharkha Manwani, Casualty / Daycare RMOs are having our last day at AHIRC and so would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for your love, support and warmth that we received over the last few months. It was an honor to be a part of this hospital and we sincerely express our gratitude from the bottom of our hearts.

We surely are not going alone because we are taking with us plenty of memories worth cherishing all our lives.

Special heart felt thank you to the daycare team for everything that we went through over the past months….the emergency patients, the ICU shifts, the ambulance calls, the nights, the Code Blues, it is all worth living all over again…..We really could not have asked for a better team to work with. We love you all a lot and we are going to miss everyone. If we ever made any mistakes or were rude to anyone, we apologize for them all…Hope you can forgive us.

The world is a small place and we will meet on some crossroads sometime soon.

Regards and Lots of love,

Dr.Mohit Garg

Dr.Bharkha Manwani

The Dreamcatcher

I am a dreamer...a man on a mission…living for just 1 ultimate dream…to achieve greatness…to be remembered for who I am…to be a source of inspiration for many others and to make a difference in many lives. All my life, I have believed in challenging myself to do the impossible…set goals, work hard…at times, fail…never losing hope…starting again to finally achieve what I set out to…EXCELLENCE !

I have never limited myself to the usual mindset…I love to walk on the road less travelled…living on the edge…And looking back at the last 1.5 years of this roller coaster life of mine, I have done just that… I have been lucky enough to have been loved and respected so much all this while and it has been due to years of hard work and sacrifices.

With 5 more days to go before I bid goodbye to AHIRC, I have already started to feel all emotional and nostalgic because I ‘temporarily’ lived my dream here, on a smaller scale though…I have tasted success, applause…I have met so many wonderful people – at work, the patients, the relatives. Made some awesome friends, sadly no girlfriends here too.(Do you really exist dream girl or do I have to be in love with cars and bikes for the rest of my life?) It feels overwhelming to be appreciated by senior consultants in the past 1 week for my commitment at work, the sincerity…Deep down, they make me feel too that I will be missed as much as I will miss AHIRC and working with them.

A glimpse of the past few months (some might complain I look back in time a lot, but that’s where I derive my strength from…after all, Life is my greatest Teacher! ) has made me realize my true potential, I have gained a lot of courage to push myself harder…be more focused…for I realize it’s a long journey ahead...and a bright future awaits with arms wide open. All these years of my existence, I have been the pillar of support, the hope for my parents and other family members and I will do everything to make them proud. I’m well aware of the fact that more than mine, their sacrifice was greater.

I really pray I always remain on the high that I’m on right now writing this. May be its the effect of the awesome drives going and coming back from work every day with some street racing at adrenaline pumping speeds …the loud music, the rains.

Six months more of some serious studies and hard work before the curtain starts to rise and I get to sense what the future will be like….Dear life, bring it on now !

My First Job

Feeling the heat of growing up and becoming a professional now… could’nt miss writing about that.

It all started a few days before my internship ended. It was 9 am when I got an unexpected call from Mrs. Prabhu (job consultant) asking me if I was willing for an interview at Asian Heart Hospital scheduled for 10 am (after 1 hour). Little unsure, yet I decided to take a chance knowing the brand value associated with AHIRC… …..and surprisingly, by 10.30 am, I had the confirmation ...and so began a journey of a dream job to be the CMO of such a reputed hospital dealing with Cardio patients in emergency, which i was always interested in.
It has now been more than 3 months that I have been working here and I already feel so attached to this place…so luxurious (not less than a 7 star hotel) , great ambience…systematic work at all levels of employment…educated patients...cooperative staff…I feel so happy to look back in time. My colleagues Bharkha, Binoli, Sagar all have been great….the sisters, brothers, housekeeping…..everyone have been cooperative and caring… And to add to that, the icing on the cake are my great friends…more like brothers here..the cardio RMOs / IGNOU students Sagar, Maulik, Nishant, Ravibhai, Shiskir, Girish, Ashok and others….Hanging out most of the time after my duty in their room is so much fun…getting my taste of a good hostel life…time is spent discussing a few ‘Chindi’ consultant, patient cases, laughing on stupid jokes, watching movies, playing chess…studying…its all so simple and happy for me here…life is good !
The amount of respect I get here is immense as I’m the first person to attend to anyone who comes in an emergency. I feel the moral responsibility to make the patients and relatives comfortable and reassure them that nothing will go wrong now and things will be taken care of…I’ve shared tears, smiles, hugs…with each experience teaching me so much…Its so satisfying to be a ‘good’ doctor. Then there are the ICU shifts, Ambulance calls, Code Blue - critical patient brought to hospital, brought dead patients...which add to the work experience. I will surely miss my days at AHIRC once my contract expires in August.
Driving to work everyday…with the trademark sunglasses….hat…my ‘atrangi’ beard, loud music and me singing along at the top of my voice…100 plus speed on the empty highway at all times of my shifts gives a kick start to my day. Then the job, MBA studies and its classes, mock CAT exams…the diploma courses…I really feel I have overburdened myself...becoming a workaholic working 24 x 7 …..but at the end of the day when I see my family waiting for me at dinner with a lovely smile takes away all the stress and frustration…It is then followed by my guitar and music session before sleep.Each day is a day well spent.
Well the exams are coming closer now, and I’m looking forward to life with more vigor than before…Plan A, Plan B at the back of my mind…its time I put all my efforts to realize my vision of life…its not money for me as primary goal but peace, happiness, satisfaction, getting time for all extra curricular activities and finally sleeping with a smile on the face each day of life….which I have even now. Looking forward to welcoming the future with open arms and great expectations. :-)

Why did you break my heart?

What went wrong, I regret,
Guilty I feel, so upset,
Never thought, it would end like this,
You got back, is all I wished.

But why did you break my heart,
Why did you break my heart
Tell me why did you break my heart?
O Baby why did you break my heart.

By making me sad, what did you gain,
Never before was I so much in pain,
You went far, I was alone,
Opened my eyes, you were gone.

But why did you break my heart,
Why did you break my heart
Tell me why did you break my heart?
O Baby why did you break my heart.

I wanna see you so up close,
Get lost in those eyes, where my love froze,
Never again will things go bad,
I'll give back the smile, that you always had.

But why did you break my heart, 

Why did you break my heart
Tell me why did you break my heart?
O Baby why did you break my heart.

29/09/11

The Personality Contest

Happened to find the application form of the Personality contest (Official Ragging Session followed by Dinner comprising of Pav Bhaji or Chinese noodles and Manchurian along with a glass of Rasna-orange flavor, every year) for my immediate juniors which I had made around 5 years back….To this day, I remember few of the hilarious answers to the following….check it out for yourself.
Note – Inspired by the lineage of application forms seen over the years , but an original piece of work.


VENUE- PHYSIOLOGY AUDITORIUM
3rd floor, LTMMC Building
Sion- 400022
15th Dec, 2006
Respected Sir/Madam,
I ………………(Name) would like to apply as a contestant for the PC 2006. I think I’m suitable when you read my :
Name - ………… Age - ………… Sex - ……………
Height - ………… Length - …………
Sexual Orientation - …………… Girth (tough one) - ………………
Five things I cannot do when I’m erect - ……………………………………………
Five things I cannot do when I’m down - .....................................................
MY ANSWERS TO THE FOLLOWING NON EXPLICIT QUESTIONS :-
1-Being a virgin is letting your tool to rust and it is not a sense of dignity but a lack of opportunity. Your opinion. …………………………………………………
2- “Ek tapakti boond aapki zindagi badal sakti hai”. It is true because ………………………………
3- An original family planning slogan that you would want to spread.( Example- On a BEST bus: “Kripiya piche se chadiye” ) …………………………
4- What is better, Viva or Oral ? Why ?……………………………………
5- I know I came in this world because of a) Family Planning 2) Something Tearing. Why ? ………………………
6- “Come behind the pyramid and I will make you a Mummy”. Comment………………………………
7- Before you knew actually how children were born, you thought that………………………………………

8- Here are slogans for products only I use :

A)Reliance Condoms ………………………………………………………………
B)Colgate hair removal cream …………………………………………………
C)Fevicol lubricant …………………………………………………………………
9) If I were to die tomorrow, I would like to have sex with……………………………because he/she……………………………
Answer the following questions truthfully :
A-The Girl I like the most in class and why ? ………………………………
B-The Guy I hate the most in class and why ? ……………………………
C-I think I can win this Personality Contest because …………………………………………
HATS OFF TO THE FOLLOWING WHO’VE MADE ME THE PERSON I’M TODAY : (STRICTLY FROM THE BATCH)
MR. HOT ………………………………………
MISS. HOT ………………………………………
MR/MISS FUNNY ……………………………
MR/MISS BORE …………………………………
MR/MISS BOOKWORM………………………………
MR/MISS TEACHER CHAATU ………………………………
MR/MISS SENIOR CHAATU …………………………………
MY IMMEDIATE SENIORS ARE ROCKING BECAUSE………………………………………………………………
Your Obedient Junior,
………………………………

I dream Dreams.

It was in August 1992 that I was brought to this city of dreams….All we got was a scooter, a color television and some Rs.25,000 (salaries used to be starting from 300-400 in the eighties)….we had no idea what life would be like…..we just came.

19 years later, I’m a doctor working at one of the best hospitals in the city….life looks settled after going through all these years of hardships, hard work, ups and downs in life, never losing hope…just the dreams in my eyes…the burning desire to make it big in life, among the greats one day…I couldn’t be happier at this junction of my life.

Every single day I crave to be at AHIRC casualty….the sense of pride to dress smartly….formally…branded clothes…my trademark sunglasses...all from my hard earned money...then driving to work at more than 100 plus speeds…I feel alive every moment now…I had never thought life could be so great coming out of a government hospital….the world of losers, narrow minded souls, the corrupt officers, inhuman condition to work, no job satisfaction……I had never enjoyed myself away from creativity, always studying….Now I really feel I have arrived…..my confidence is over the roof…the desire is burning more fiercely now.

I am also so surprised that so many people from my LTMMC ‘05 batch would be so jealous that I’m doing well in life… “ Guys, your higher marks in the exams do not guarantee that you are a better doctor….It’s just your misconception that you know more than me”….I only laugh on reaching home on those narrow minded ‘un grown’ boys and girls (not mature enough to be called doctors).

Well, the studies seem to be going fine….job is awesome….business ideas in the hospitality industry popping up in my head from time to time…there is so much to learn from everyday life…Now, I have realized how easy it is to be the ‘deserving’ doctor SAHEB for people…50% of them feel good the moment a doctor opens his/her mouth….the faith, the confidence…the trust builds up right there…. I will never stop clinical medicine in spite of my MBA aspirations, it really is very satisfying.

On a lighter note, I admit to have had crushes, been in love (no relationship), had my heart broken….it’s just that career was always the priority….there was no time for love….but I guess it’s time now to find some worthy enough of my love..…(dream girl, if you are reading this, do get in touch).

Just wanting to work harder now…I want to really try out in life what I have always trusted in… “If you believe in the beauty of your dreams, then nothing is impossible”….can’t wait to see the future unfold….see what destiny I’m born with….thank you God for all these wonderful years….You really have been kind to me ‘FINALLY’….been there to give me strength always…my pillar of support…as my best friend…Love You….Hope to see happier years ahead !!

The God of Cricket

NOTE- NOT AN ORIGINAL PIECE OF WORK.... The Following are few of the best quotes about the genius...the Little Master...the Master Blaster....undoubtedly the most loved Indian.... SACHIN RAMESH TENDULKAR.

Mark Taylor(Aus)
''We did not lose to a team called India, we lost to a man called Sachin''

Brian Lara(WI)
"I want my son to become Sachin Tendulkar.....Sachin is a genius, I am a mere Mortal."

Hashim Amla(SA)
'Nothing bad can happen to us if we were on a plane in India with Sachin Tendulkar on it.''

Waqar Younis(Pak)''He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also.

Andy Flower(ZIM)''There are 2 kind of batsman in the world. 1 Sachin Tendulkar and 2. all the others .

Matthew Hayden(AUS.)"I have seen God. He bats at no.4 for India in tests.

Don Bradman(AUS)
"I see myself when I see Sachin batting.

Australian Fan
"Do your crime when Sachin is batting, because even God is busy watching his batting.

BBC Sports
Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to bat, people switch on their television sets and switch off their lives.

Shane Warne
I'll be going to bed having nightmares of Sachin just running down the wicket and belting me back over the head for six. He was unstoppable. I don't think anyone, apart from Don Bradman, is in the same class as Sachin Tendulkar. He is just an amazing player.

Anil Kumble
"I am fortunate that I've to bowl at him only in the nets!"

Andrew Symonds
"To Sachin, the man we all want to be"
What Symonds wrote on an Aussie t-shirt he autographed specially for Sachin.

Peter Roebuck
"On a train from Shimla to Delhi, there was a halt in one of the stations. The train stopped by for few minutes as usual. Sachin was nearing century, batting on 98. The passengers, railway officials, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century. This Genius can stop time in India!!"

Brett Lee
You might pitch a ball on the off stump and think you have bowled a good ball and he walks across and hits it for two behind midwicket. His bat looks so heavy but he just waves it around like it's a toothpick.

Steve Waugh
It was one of the greatest innings I have ever seen. There is no shame being beaten by such a great player, Sachin is perhaps only next to the Don.

Michael Kasprowicz
Don't bowl him bad balls, he hits the good ones for fours.

Greg Chappell
He is a perfectly balanced batsman and knows perfectly well when to attack and when to play defensive cricket. He has developed the ability to treat bowlers all over the world with contempt and can destroy any attack with utmost ease.

Barack Obama - "I don't know about cricket but still I watch cricket to see Sachin play..Not b'coz I love his play its because I want to know the reason why my country's production goes down by 5 percent when he's in batting"...

Mere Khwab

Aakhen band karte hii

Madhmast main ho jata hoon

Adhure khwabon aur sapnon ko

Main phir pura hote pata hoon.

Takdir mein kya hai lika

Bhala kaun batla pate hain

Hum toh unn musaffiron mein hain

Jo tanha, aage badte jate hain.

Pana chahta hoon woh mukaam,

Umeed se pare hai jo iss tann se

Zindagi ko aazmane ki

Ek khwahish hai iss komal mann mein.

Shram aur mehnat ke dum pe

Kash bahut naam aur shohrat ho jaye

Aas hai marne se pehle

Bass mere khwab pure ho jayein.

College days unplugged

It was the most memorable day in the book of my life so far…A day that marked the ceremony to turn to doctors from boys/girls….A day of great pride and honor for us all as well as our parents…It was the day of our convocation.

Our story dates back to 8^th august, 2005 when a group of 100 aspiring doctors were brought under one ‘air conditioned’ roof of the physiology auditorium….Following are the few distinct random memories of our journey through the past 5.5 years at LTMMC and LTMGH.

- Running down the stair case like a herd of cattle to prevent being caught by the 'evil' seniors for ragging....personally, I feel it was an awesome way to get to know them.

- Cribbing when made to sit roll number wise, feeling unlucky when the girl sitting next to you didn't look so good and feeling jealous of the one who had a chick next to him thinking they would be together for the next 5.5 years.

- Fighting for the seat right in front of the teacher during the clinics...after all we were all excited in the beginning until the enthusiasm levels reduced with reality.

- Begging your partner during physiology practicals for a drop of blood when not having the guts to prick oneself...

-Feeling excited to cut the human body and the increasing impatience as each organ unfolded.....I remember how excited each one was to hold the heart in our hands for the first time as if it was some World Cup Trophy....amazed to see the liver, kidney and other organs....confusion, bluffing remembering the slide numbers in the histology practicals...

- Standing near the washbasin and discussing the reagents, chemicals, solutions involved in the biochemistry tests during the examination and then getting scolded for the same and pretending we were there only to wash the test tubes.

- Changing slides with someone else who had a well stained slide during microbiology practical examinations.

- Being excited to touch the rabbits and hamsters in pharmacology department....studying very few drugs among the hundreds and still feeling confident for the exam.

- The Forensic Medicine Head of department scolding people in some extremely hilarious ways.....no practicals until 2 days from the final exam...changing poisons with your neighbor in the exam when the one allotted was the one that you had not read.

- Getting scolded for copying from someone's journal in pathology which itself has been made after 'generations of copying' and cursing the teacher when being given 30 % of those diagrams for redrawing.

- The boring sleepy PSM lectures, the family trips to dharavi.....the 'sandas mein jaanwar wala joke'....we all went through it all.

- Knowing the ENT terminal paper a day before the exam and studying only those 6 questions.....writing 5 of them from home and sticking the supplements in the answer sheets...and on top of that, I was caught with the chits for the last 1 answer....I smile even today thinking of that.

- Studying only cataract and glaucoma for the entire year for ophthalmology exam every time.....surprisingly both those questions came in our final exam.

- The turmoil of final year can't be described in words....' Life ceased to exist, time paused, brain stopped functioning' for that 1 year to complete the portion....That anxiousness to 'just pass' the final year...In the end, everybody just prayed for anything above 50.00 %.

- The jubilation to finally hear that you had passed..the relief...( the sense of disbelief for me)...the tears of happiness....the jumping in joy for having done it finally...it sure feels like yesterday to me...

- The frustrating internship mamagiri....feeling great to get signatures for days you didn't attend....the sense of achievement to kick the wicked houseman's ass...the dinners together with the entire unit on emergency days.....the ' batting of patients'.....the ' Sion Jhadu'.....moments worth cherishing again.

- Exams came and went but with each passing year, the experience and memories of copying just kept multiplying exponentially....the open book exams, the micro xeroxes, the supplement passing, the leaking of question papers....we all did become masters of copying in 4.5 years.

- Among all these high pressure cooker days, what kept me going was the blog, the band, the college festivals....Also due credit to FIFA ( computer game) for being the only source of recreation....( I was never prepared to commit to anyone and be a part of some foolish college library couple) I remember playing FIFA with my hostel friends for 3 hours just before the PSM prelim exam.

Now the journey has ended ....the awesome years of undergraduate life are over....the time has come for us to part ways...who knows we might ever meet again or not..so before these thoughts are lost in oblivion, I thought to pen them down ( its 3 am at AHIRC as I write this behind someone's insignificant ECG).

LTMMC 2005 batch, we rocked !! We were united...then we parted ....but we united again to make it a lifetime's memorable experience....Dancers, artists, painters, actors, cricketers, musicians, jokers, writers, singers, politicians, computer technicians, walking railway and bus timetable.....you name it and we had them all.

As I finish writing this, I have a smile on my face and a little moist eyes as I'm filled with nostalgia and emotions.....I will seriously miss the awesome days, the friends, the teachers, the staff, the sisters, the mamas as I look back in time.....last few words.....I'm really gonna miss this place, I'm gonna miss my.....college days !!