Saturday, December 25, 2010

Inside 'Insight'


INSPIRED BY DAY TO DAY REAL LIFE INCIDENTS

I am Atmaram, a poor, old, uneducated farmer from a distant village in Vidharba, visiting a city for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, my 24-year-old son, Baburao, is suffering from recurrent episodes of sudden breathlessness due to his asthma, and we have come to the well-known government-aided Mumbai General Hospital for his treatment. This is my story.

No sooner had the ambulance stopped in front of a casualty of the well-known government-aided Mumbai General Hospital, we rushed our son to the emergency medical services (EMS). My wife still sat in the ambulance, weeping. The EMS was full of patients; two doctors were attending to around 20 patients stuffed on 12 beds, to be precise, and I stood numbly watching my son gasp for breath. "Doctor Saheb, emergency aahe," I shouted. "Kaka, awaz mat karo. Yahan sab patients emergency ke hee hain," he replied bluntly. My heart sank. Waiting for those 3 minutes until he finally came to check on Baburao seemed like an eternity to me.

He came, checked my son’s chest with his stethoscope, and panicked and shouted, "Staff, intubation trolley ready, Karo." Baburao was shifted on a bed, curtains drawn. "Baba, central line, ECG, madam," he shouted again. My heart beat fast. I couldn’t understand what had changed so drastically in those 5 minutes. Everyone, including the sister and the other doctor, rushed to check on my son. Time stood still for me.

After 10 unforgettable minutes, I could finally see my son: rubber tubing down his throat (endotracheal tube), a thin tube through his neck (neckline), and blood all over his bed sheet. "Saans aur dhadkan chalu hai," said the doctor. I felt relieved. Bad thoughts had corrupted my mind all this time. My wife didn’t have the courage to see my son in that condition. She almost fainted.

Baburao was then put on some computerised machine (a ventilator), dripping as we waited for him to stabilise. Blood samples were taken, X-ray and ultrasonography (USG) chest forms were filled out, and they were handed over to us. We were happy to see him wave to us from a distance. Baburao was better now and had to finally be shifted to the ward. I struggled to find the registration counter for the admission papers and the blood sample laboratory too. My old, weak legs don’t have so much stamina to run around at this age. Nevertheless, I was determined that everything would be fine and that I would take my son back to the village soon.

Baburao was then put on a trolley this time, with an intern ready to accompany us, but there was no servant to help us to the X-ray, USG, and finally to the ward. Our crucial 15 minutes were wasted waiting for the servant to arrive. The X-ray didn’t take much time, but we were surprised to find the USG door locked. "Kaka, 5 minutes ruko," the intern said and left in a hurry. He came back with a call book, this time sending the mama with that book to the Resident doctor’s quarters. A call was sent to the radiologists. The call was accepted. Mama had returned a long time ago, but there was no sign of the doctors. The intern went again to check on them. They finally arrived, yawning, 45 minutes after the call was first sent. I was angry deep in my heart.

All the work was done, and we proceeded towards the ward. Another shock awaited us. The ward was full too, and there were no beds available. Baburao was then put on a mattress on the floor. No doctors were around; no treatment or medicines were started. The staff nurse said, "Ab tumhare doctor subah aayenge, notes dalenge, and tabhi kuch hoga". By this time, my wife and I had calmed down too. Baburao was calm now, no longer breathless.

The following 4 days began daily with the senior doctor’s (Head of Unit or lecturer) round in the early morning, the registrar's or houseman’s round in the evening, the usual blood tests, and the sputum tests. Those four days were like going through hell. Every morning, blood samples were taken and sent for expensive tests in private laboratories. The IV line had to be changed twice since it got blocked due to a clot. Some inexperienced students would do that. It’s so difficult to see your son being pricked so many times. He couldn’t bear the pain. I couldn’t help but ask myself why he was used as a guinea pig for training them. I was also made to run around a lot for reports and medicines. Why can’t they ask for everything at once? The ward doctors would sometimes hand me blood samples of other patients who had no relatives around the clock. Extra IVs, bivalves, and medicines used to be ordered. One was put in my son's hands; the rest would go in their stock. I still remained quiet. My money was draining, but my son’s improving condition asked me to keep mum. I also used to feel harassed by students who would come every morning in 2s and 3s, ask us the same questions every day for their case study, and make us run around from one room to the other for their case presentations. I was so angry that my son had to go through so much. Also, it feels odd to be stared at by 20 students at once, with Baburao being used as a specimen. Yet I was always composed.

On the 5th day, Baburao developed a high fever since morning. For us, he was in safe hands. But around 11.30 p.m., he suddenly became breathless again. I panicked, and so did the staff nurse. No doctor was present in the ward at that time. I ran to the ward next to ours. A young doctor lay asleep in the clinic room there. I asked him to rush quickly. "Tumhare doctor dusre hain, who mera patient nahin hai? Kaka jao ward mein, doctor aate hii honge. Sone do abhi," he said. I was shocked! A young, educated doctor, my son's age, was talking to me with no respect at all, least bothered about my son’s life. I didn’t understand what was happening. Quietly, I walked to our ward, and standing at the door, I was shocked to see what was happening.

I could see 'our doctor' trying to give chest compressions to Baburao. My wife was crying uncontrollably while standing next to the mattress. For some reason, I feared the worst. After three minutes, he checked his pulse and breathing. "Kaka, aapka beta nahin raha", he said in a sad tone. I couldn’t believe it. I was shocked, numb, and senseless. There was no word for what I felt in my heart. There was no one to console me except my wife, who herself was in tears. We had lost our only son, our only hope for the future.

Baburao’s body lay in the ward for the next 2 hours. While our doctor filled out the death certificate (DC), the mama wrapped my son’s body. It all looked like a routine for them—no feelings, no remorse—nothing had changed for them. The sad face that had informed me of my son’s death was now smiling as he spoke to 'the other Unit’s' doctor, the staff nurse. DC read: – Systemic infection in a known case of bronchial asthma.

After this life-changing, bitter experience, I have lost all regard for the heartless doctors. I didn’t even find a single genuinely caring doctor there who deserved our respect. We miss Baburao a lot. We break into tears thinking about him. I often wonder, staring at the open sky from my kaccha house and finding Babaurao among those stars, if doctors really deserve to be treated next to God. Ask me I will never.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Vaitarna Diaries


It has been 2 years that I saw the movie “Into the Wild” and I was so impacted by the story that I always wished I did something similar, MINUS COMING BACK HOME ALIVE. People who know the real me are aware that I’m a person in search.… search for some answers, the questions to which I’m still not yet fully aware of….the purpose of my life….may be enlightenment….knowledge….thrill….danger or adrenaline rush. I follow no set rules and I do what I feel is morally and ethically right….

Happiness is not something one can keep, but one can only pursuit it….and here I was doing just that, on a trip being alone, away from home for the first time in my life….a chance to be a real free spirit.
The following is the day by day HIGHLIGHTED account of the most awesome time I have ever had till now :-
Day 1 - Chose to stand on the foot board instead of sitting inside the already packed jeep during the 16 kms trip from Khardi to Vaitarna feeling the cool breeze on my face as we traveled “on a road built on potholes and cow dung”, in the garb of nature.
On reaching the quarters, explored the 20 doors and windows till I zeroed in my would be room…spent a good 45 minutes to throw away the broken bed, mattresses, newspapers….remove spider webs, shift my bed….everything set and soon my presidential suite was ready….looked beautiful with my limited resources…Evening was spent studying, listening to some good music, meditation and planning out things I would be doing there…
Day 2 – 6.30 AM, set out on foot, alone to explore the neighboring places…didn’t know where I was headed to but I continued to walk…after all the fun is in exploring the untraveled roads…I walked further away from our quarters and soon I could see the Modak Sagar dam….I couldn’t control my instinct and I ran as fast as I could towards it…I was mesmerized by the sheer beauty around me….the beautiful rocky river bed through the mountains on one side….birds chirping….flying, trying out their stunts right below my eyes…the river on the other side, the sun rising from behind the mountains….I had never seen anything so beautiful….I ran across the dam, arms outstretched, eyes closed….it did feel I was flying…..that high was followed by an hour long chitchatting with the local policemen who let me hold on to their rifles….bullets….it sure was fun.
I continued wandering to the nearby forest….ate wild ‘ ber ’, tamarind…chased butterflies…swung from a banyan tree…helped a wood cutter with his work…looking forward to the days ahead.
Day 3 – Day began with the planned health regime over the dam, but climbing down 200 stairs to the foot of the dam made it so special…the rocks, the river, the slide of the dam so up close…couldn’t believe I was here…I had never thought I would be having so much fun, all by myself.
For the first time in my life, I realized how beautiful an echo can be….sounds great when it gets reflected from 3-4 directions of the surrounding mountains. Evening was spent playing cricket…teen patti with the poker chips along ;-) and eating stomach full of everything we could get our hands on from the canteen…
Day 4 – Today, the week long festival ‘ saptah’ ended…In 4 days itself, I feel attached to the villagers who now identify me as their doctor…Also, we had been having lunch and dinner (dal bhat and potato vegetable – everyday to be precise) at the temple everyday sitting on the floor with 200 villagers in the 'pangat'…
Today, I decided to serve them first instead of eating before….The satisfaction in doing that was immense….the regards for me in their eyes rose even more….I can never forget that smile on their faces.
Evening, played with 2 cute little stray dog puppies, right outside the community health center. Now, working on scripts for 2 street plays, one on ‘Diseases caused by Mosquitoes’ and the other on ‘Effects of illiteracy and women education’……It really takes so little to be happy.
Day 5 AND THE DAYS AHEAD – The exploration and the wandering is over now. The day begins with jogging, exercising and meditation on the dam surrounded by the beautiful scenery and nature in full bloom for company…get fresh, breakfast at a small local canteen (serves only tea, vada pav and missal pav) and then, off to work…Evening is spent studying, plating cricket, cards, listening to music and of course talking NON SENSE for hours…The first taste of hostel life had simply been awesome.
BACK HOME NOW FOR 3 DAYS (3 weeks of posting remaining) – The days spent in Vaitarna have been a beautiful learning experience for me. I have already got what I had set out to achieve…peace….motivation….satisfaction…love…calmness…I really have ‘rediscovered’ myself ‘again’ (grammatical error by purpose).
I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD EVEN COME DOWN TO THESE LAST FEW LINES…..AFTER ALL THE DEFINITION OF ‘ TRUE HAPPINESS ‘ IS DIFFERENT FOR EACH OF US…..NEVERTHELESS, THROUGH THIS POST, I HAVE DONE MY BIT ON WHAT I TRULY BELIEVE IN –
“HAPPINESS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED” – INTO THE WILD.